Growing A Thick(er) Skin

I was recently going through old books in my apartment, and out fell an evaluation from an internship I did back in 2006. I laughed while I reread it, but also with the realization of how upset I must have been when I first received it almost six years ago. The evaluation was incredibly critical--it berated me for not arriving to work early enough (the only place I've ever worked where arriving five minutes early was actually considered late!), and for a lack of confidence. Gee, I wonder why I had confidence issues there?!?? There were a few good points mixed into all the mean, but come on--I was 22 years old, brand new to New York City, and making far less than minimum wage while working grueling 50-80 hour weeks! All to get ripped to shreds every time an evaluation came around. I would never, ever put myself through such a thankless experience again. But looking back, I can finally appreciate that it was a valuable exercise in learning how to deal with critical people and difficult situations. I came to New York very naive and very eager, with a very thin skin. I have always been both overly sensitive and a people pleaser--two things that do not always, if ever, tend to serve you well in life. My first internship in the city was the first time that I had really ever had to learn how to deal with direct criticism. I realized that I could take in what was helpful and constructive, while allowing the rest to roll off, away from me.

I learned that just because someone is critical or disagrees with something does not mean that they are right. Sometimes you have to endure a bad situation, like the internship that I did. I only worked there for a year, but plenty of people work for years under harsh bosses and overly critical colleagues. There is a fine line between thickening your skin and losing your spirit, and it's helpful to do the former but never the latter. The other day, at my store, after listening to some unintentionally rude and critical comments directed at me and my jewelry, I realized just how much my skin has thickened in the six years that I have been in New York. It makes sense, though--in the years since I received that first intern evaluation, I have grown a lot. I have learned how to disagree with colleagues and bosses both, in a professional context. Finally, I have learned how to stand up firmly for myself. It doesn't mean that everything is always perfect and great, but it does mean that I no longer defer to other people's opinions. And when people have criticism for me, I try my best to first listen, take the things that I can from it, and then let the rest go. It's not always easy, and it's not like my skin is so thick that I don't feel anything. I'm still a sensitive person at heart who likes to make people happy. But now instead of bleeding, I mostly just bruise. And I have learned that no matter what, life goes on! And is, for the most part, pretty awesome.